Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
