sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
