More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
