wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
