one might say we're banned from that church
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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