....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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