if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
