i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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