dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
