Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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