We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
where are my eyebrows?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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