Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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