How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
How does it feel to date your dad?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
