I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
