dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
