I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Send help, water and tortillas.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
