I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
