remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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