if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
