I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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