Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
