i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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