she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
