I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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