i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
