He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
