So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
