If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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