After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
