Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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