I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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