there was a trapeze. enough said
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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