let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
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I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
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Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize