I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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