you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize