Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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