apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
