please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I did not marry a roomba.
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