my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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