Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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