Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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