I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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