Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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