please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
