All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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