Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
