I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
