So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
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U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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