I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
