first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
