How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
