Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
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Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
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His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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