i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
