I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
