I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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