A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I bet he comes in French.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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