he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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