He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
