i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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