you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
