So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
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