You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
