she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
the raccoons are back...
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