Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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