I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
