Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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