I think my vagina is haunted
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
this is an emotional support booty call
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
