Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
