well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
