Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
