Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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