Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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