got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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