he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize