I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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