he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
