Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
