Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize