I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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