you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Holy shit dude........stairs
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
