Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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