she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
