I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
