Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
a search helicopter?!
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
